Sports, especially youth sports, can get a bad rap. A quick scan of popular article titles on the topic—“What Makes a Nightmare Sport Parent,” “Youth Sports Crisis,” “Are Kids Sports Too Competitive?—offers a glimpse into the perception of today’s youth sports culture. Suffice to say, it’s not all pep rallies and ice cream cones.
SO WHAT’S THE PROBLEM? It’s not just the crazy hockey dads going at each other in the parking lot; or the soccer moms coaching from the sidelines, or the baseball parents heckling the umpires from the bleachers; or the coaches playing only the best kids to get every win; or the programs pushing 12 year olds to specialize in one sport. Ok, it is all of them. But it’s also the well-meaning, supportive parents. The ones who make it to every game, then rehash the entire event on the car ride home; who sign their kids up for multiple sports each season eliminating any prospect of down-time; who desperately cling to the hope of sports being the thing that sets their kid apart from the masses. The problem is not in the sports themselves but in the notion that they are the ticket to a better school or a better paycheck or a better life.
Sports are indeed a ticket to a better life, but not by making it—not by attaining any specific achievement or reward. The pursuit of sport, in itself, is the reward. I’ve been around my fair share of successful athletes (gold medalists, World Champions, assorted über beings) and they are no happier or satisfied or secure than my friends who were moderately successful or even unsuccessful at sports. The ones who are happiest as adults are the ones who have built the positive things they learned through sports into their lives, and who have deliberately kept sports in their lives. Perhaps the greatest bonus comes to those who have been able to use sports as a way to stay healthy and spend time together as a family.
SPORTS ARE THE VEHICLE, NOT THE DESTINATION: Despite the low odds of achieving extrinsic rewards (championship titles, college scholarships, pro paychecks, fame) through sports, the notion that sports can and should deliver more than the benefits of participation persists. Indeed, sports can (and do) deliver rewards, but not necessarily the tangibles you display on a shelf – or see at first glance.
Recently, there’s been newsworthy controversy about whether or not to give kids participation trophies for being on sports teams. Upside is a participation and commitment reward for every player. Downside is the dilution of true accomplishment. I understand both sides of the argument, but one thing is certain: self-esteem never comes from a trophy. Self-esteem comes from performing the day-to-day skills and acts that sports demand. Also gleaned is confidence, hard work, discipline, humility, perseverance, teamwork, endurance and many, many other attributes developed in the unheralded moments when nobody is looking.
POSITIVE TRACKS CELEBRATES THE GOOD STUFF: There are no trophies for all those things, and yet that’s the GOOD stuff – the stuff that makes you a better, more resilient, more capable person who empathizes with struggle and leads by example. Positive Tracks is committed to sports as our vehicle to the good stuff because we believe that leveraging athletics by attaching sport to a cause brings out the good, without the baggage. At the same time, it makes giving back fun, personal, healthy and real.
When people come together—to volunteer, to raise money, or to just take on something bigger than themselves as individuals—their energy is directed outside of themselves, towards a specific need and a tangible goal that directly helps people and places in need. Whether it’s climbing a mountain to raise money for kids to get an outdoor experience, running a 5k to help a children’s hospital, or playing soccer to find a cure for HIV, the physical effort is accompanied by a healthy dose of awareness, gratitude, empathy and generosity. It’s sweet, sweaty victory that feels good inside and out.
HOW YOU CAN HELP TAKE BACK SPORTS: The Positive Coaching Alliance goes about fulfilling their mission of “Better Athletes, Better People” by creating a blueprint for the Double Goal Coach, the Second Goal Parent and the Triple Impact Competitor, all of whom strive for success in sports while pursuing the more-important goal of life lessons through sports. We’re all about that too. Here are some things to keep in mind when engaging in youth sports as parents, coaches, fans and participants:
- Keep It fun: This is the biggie—the number one priority and the thing that will keep kids wanting to come back for more.
- Keep It Simple: However tempting it is for kids to mimic the fancy, impressive advanced moves they see via the pros, time spent understanding and mastering basic skills will always pay dividends in the end.
- Keep It Age Appropriate: Kids should be challenged, but also able to achieve some degree of success with minimal investment. As kids mature and acquire a better base of skills, up the complexity, intensity, time commitment and gear.
- Make Sportsmanship a Top Priority: Teach kids that it is how you play the game. Congratulate the winners, thank the officials, support teammates, cheer the other team, win with humility, lose with grace, etc, etc, etc…Do the right thing even when it’s a difficult thing!
- Be Grateful: Our motto at Positive Tracks is “Do What You Dig.” When you love an activity, it’s a privilege just to be able to play. Kids show their gratitude by having a positive attitude, giving their best effort, and encouraging others to join the fun.
- Be a Team Player: Learning to succeed as a team has benefits in every stage of life, and the skill usually starts on a tiny field with tiny people. Teams lift you when your down, cheer you when you’re up, and remind you why ball-hogs don’t succeed on the field or in life.
- Support But Don’t Push: When kids are doing sports for themselves, there’s no need to push. When they’re doing it for someone else, no amount of pushing will help them enjoy the sport more.
- Keep It Real: Youth sports shouldn’t feel like a job! Avoid competing in multiple organized sports in one season, resist specialization as long as possible, take a day or two off each week, and encourage taking a 2-3 month break from a primary sport each year.
- Do Your Homework: Check out the coaches, the club, the team philosophy, the peers, and the parents to get a good idea of the atmosphere, the values, and the reputation of the organization. If something doesn’t feel right, ask a few questions, and if necessary move on. You know your kid best. Trust your gut.
- Respect the Game: If you love the game, uphold it. Play by the rules and support all the players. Healthy competition is good for all, but cheating and heckling have no place. Repeat after me: It’s only a game.
- Don’t Overdo It: Persistent fatigue? Joint pain? Nagging injuries? Get them checked out by a doctor and if necessary take some time off. Long term, overtraining is far worse for performance than undertraining.
- Embrace the Process and Accept the Outcomes: You win some, you lose some. When the focus is on enjoying the process, you have the perspective to win and lose with grace.
- Keep it Fun: Did we say that already? We’re saying it again!
Edie Thys Morgan, Positive Tracks Board of Directors and Positive Tracks Blog Master
Edie in a 140 Characters or Less: Writer, Skier, Raiser Of Children; Cries Way Too Easily At The Good Stuff; Downhill Racer; Advocate Of Entertaining More & Fussing Less; Gladly Cooks; Reluctantly Cleans; Picnic Instigator.